Losing Emotional Baggage BEFORE Dating Again

Give yourself time to lose your emotional baggage. | Photo by cottonbro on Pexels

One of the more difficult things in relationships is moving on from past negative experiences. The more negative and traumatic the experience, the harder it is to move on. Most people, if not every single living adult, carry emotional baggage at some level, from the most miniscule and insignificant to absolutely stifling.

Emotional baggage stemming from negative dating experiences or failed relationships are more deeply rooted since they touch on a person’s vulnerability. In severe cases, people are rendered immobile, unable to move on to better circumstances. A moderate amount of emotional baggage can cause problems in future relationships.

There is no limit to the kind of baggage a person can hold in his/ her heart. It could be petty and trivial, like a negative comment on one’s height, weight, age, or hairstyle. It could be a partner's infidelity, fatigue from constant fighting, or a messy divorce battle. Worse, it could be emotional and physical abuse.

So whether you are divorced or have an unenviable dating record, losing your emotional baggage is absolutely critical if you want a healthy romantic future. You can’t go back into the dating world with a chip on your shoulder and expect good results. It’s emotionally unhealthy for you and unfair for your new love interest.

Time Heals Wounds

When we are caught up in a bad moment, it is all too easy to dwell in its pain that we shut ourselves off from the world. We feel weak. It’s hard to stand up on our own two feet, let alone move on. Understand that better times are ahead. Time heals all wounds. If there is anything you can give yourself before dating again, it’s time.

1. Don’t pressure yourself.

Ask yourself: “Am I ready to date again?” If you aren’t, that’s okay. Don’t force it. Forcing yourself into the dating scene when you are fresh out of a painful breakup can only yield bad results.

When you are carrying emotional baggage, you tend to overcorrect.

“I took too long with the last one, so the next girl I meet I’m going to ask to marry.”

“Girls didn’t appreciate me being nice so I’m going to take the bad boy route.”

Being over-emotional leads to irrational choices. Before you find a partner, give yourself time to heal and grow.

2. Forgive yourself.

You can’t lose your emotional baggage without being able to look in the mirror and forgive yourself. You can’t be ready to accept another person into your life without being at peace with yourself. It might have been all your fault that she left you. If only this, if only that! You can’t change the past and you only have today. Whatever you did, whatever fault you think you have, whatever regrets you harbor, you need to find a way to let them go.

One of the signs you’re not ready to date is if you are full of regret. If you can put all of that behind you, things will change for the better. You may not have been the perfect person for your past partner, but resolve to be perfect for the next one.

3. Get treatment.

Sometimes we need professional help dealing with our weaknesses. If you suffer from some kind of trauma stemming from abuse, don’t hesitate to consult the experts. Remember, the treatment isn’t just for you, it’s so you can continue to have a healthy, meaningful relationship in the future.

Many abusers were also abused, be it physically, mentally, or emotionally. It’s unfortunate once they get into a new relationship and lash out at their new partner, or worse, children, thus creating an unending cycle of abuse.

This is where professional intervention can prove a vital step in your healing.

4. Be around the right people.

It’s always important to have a good support group around you. Whether it’s your best friend, your parents, or a sibling, you need to find people you can talk to and can help you feel better.

Perhaps approach your father for sage wisdom. Or maybe spend time with well-meaning friends and colleagues. Instead of dealing with your problems all by yourself, spending time with the right support group can help you heal much faster.

5. Work on yourself.

Negative experiences are great motivators to improve oneself. A good way to get rid of emotional baggage is to be productive. Some good examples of this is to work out, improve your diet, and drop your bad habits or vices.

Becoming a better you leads to better self esteem and confidence. It improves your mechanism for coping and dealing with negative emotions, and ultimately makes you a happier person.

Before you can fill someone else’s love tank, you need to make sure your own love tank is full. A relationship takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice. Before you are ready to date again, drop the emotional baggage and use your failures as motivation to be a better you.

6. Do something worthwhile.

A great way to heal is by dedicating yourself to a worthy endeavor. Start a new business, apply for your dream job, do further studies, or travel.

Traveling is an excellent thing to do and is quite a cathartic activity. Visiting beautiful sites, seeing different cultures, and meeting new people is not only great for your mental health, it’s also an educational and eye-opening experience.

Sometimes, the best way to help yourself is by helping others. Sign up for a volunteer program for worthy causes like helping less fortunate people. When we help people with worse problems than ours, we tend to put our own problems into perspective. It fosters in us an attitude of gratitude. Plus, who knows, you just might meet a kind-hearted, beautiful woman while you’re at it.

The Right Person

When all is said and done, your journey to finally moving on becomes complete when you meet the right person for you. Being with the wrong person or even someone who isn’t truly compatible with you can cause problems beyond your relationship, and finding the right person to share the loads of life with can be just what you need to heal and lose your emotional baggage. Stay positive and know that the right person for you is just around the corner.