Overcoming Common Struggles Faced by Interracial Couples

These challenges can be profound wherein couples would need to look deeper into their relationship to find good solutions. | Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels

With the rise in popularity of online dating sites and international matchmaking services, the number of interracial couples has also been rising. This has opened a new dynamic in dating and marriage that quite frankly, was difficult and not viable before.

Singles essentially have the opportunity to meet people abroad without having to leave the borders of their own locale. Due to the ease of access and the wide possibilities that international dating offers today, more and more singles are turning to international matchmaking.

With international dating comes the exchange of cultures between couples. Just like any other marriage, what binds couples together are their values and their shared vision of life and where they want to be in the marriage.

Having varying cultural identities and notable traits may be a challenge, especially when the marriage is in its infancy, but the majority of intercultural couples work through it. Studies have shown that in an interracial marriage, especially couples involving Asian women, are less likely to end in divorce.

Common Struggles Encountered by Interracial Couples

All marriages encounter problems at some point. This is something we all have to expect. The challenges faced may be simple and can be straightened out fast, or it could be profound wherein couples would need to look deeper into their relationship to find good solutions.

The increasing number of international marriages and interracial relationships comes with it its own unique set of challenges -- things only interracial couples understand. This makes the dynamic for interracial couples more challenging. In this article we list a few of the common challenges that interracial couples face and how you should overcome them.

• Challenges to Communication

In every relationship, communication is one of the most important dynamics if not the most important.

If communication fails, chances are the relationship will too. Basically, communication is your bridge to each other not just to talk but to know more about each other as well.

How does communication differ between interracial and intraracial marriages?

Communication is highly influenced by a person’s culture and language. This means that for an interracial couple, the communication barrier isn’t necessarily due to a difference in language, but rather on how it is used.

Western cultures tend to be more direct with what they want to say. There are Asian cultures that do resemble western culture in communication, however many Asian cultures still retain that conservative type of dynamic.

The best way to overcome this barrier is to learn the dynamic of how your partner communicates. This will help you understand their cultural communication dynamic. Learning each other’s communication patterns will also allow you as a couple to find a common ground in which to establish an effective communication structure.

• Challenges to Raising Kids

The challenge in raising children within an interracial marriage is finding the balance in both cultures. For majority of interracial relationships, children are raised based on the culture of where the family resides in.

This allows children to easily adapt to the social norms around the community. However, studies have shown that this makes the other spouse feel left out.

Studies have shown that it is in fact more beneficial to adapt to a multicultural family and raise kids based on the cultures of both parents.

• Challenges to Having Different Expectations

Again, our cultures shape us. The customs and traditions that we grew up with influences what we want in life, our goals and aspirations. This may pose a challenge for interracial couples as there might be differences in outlooks in life. These differences affect mostly how the family will be managed as the differences in expectations and goals will impact prioritization.

It is important that the couple with different races, cultures, nationalities, or ethnicities decide on boundaries, guidelines and plans. This will help you manage your family relationship easier as you would both be on the same page. It is never wrong to raise an issue and to try to find a solution or compromise.

• Challenges on Family Disapproval

They all say that when you marry a person, you also marry her family. And this cannot be further from the truth. For most cultures, family still plays an important role in the decision making process. Although the current trend in the acceptance of interracial marriages are getting better and better, there are still families who maintain that such a marriage is not ideal.

The disapproval of one’s partner by their family and friends may be detrimental to a spouse as this will force them to make a choice.

Unfortunately this is not a challenge that we can avoid as there is no way of predicting this. We can mitigate the effects and eventually overcome the hurdle by establishing proper communication with the spouse’s family members and striking a balance.

If your partner’s family members don’t accept you or vice versa, you need to honestly discuss how you feel with your partner and validate each other’s feelings.

• Challenges on Overcoming Social Issues

It’s a fact that racism exists in our world, but most people don’t want to talk about it. Many interracial couples think that their love for each other will make racism irrelevant.

However, racial discrimination can be a real problem when a partner’s family doesn’t accept their spouse. Many mixed ethnicity couples try to ignore or brush off disparaging remarks and awkwardness. However, this may cause communication breakdown and problems in the future.

When dating and forming a relationship, communication is paramount. This is especially true in interracial dating when a partner comes from a different background. Make sure that whenever there is an issue you address it immediately.

If you take a resistant or defensive stance, then you will only cause more friction and tension. Challenging people’s beliefs tends to lead to arguments and heartache.

Past generations tend to be fixed in their customs and beliefs. This can make it difficult for them to view your interracial relationship through a different and more liberating lens.

Look for specific teachings within your culture. Sharing common beliefs with others will go a long way toward accepting your choice in a partner and making interracial couples work.